Monday, January 31, 2011

Life- the heights, the depths.

It's an interesting balance.


Sometimes you are on the up and up and there is nothing that you feel can hold you back- you are soaring, flying, free and well!

Sometimes you are in (as one of my personal hero's Anne of Green Gables would say) the depths of despair.  

Lately, it's been high and then deep.  

But through it all- there is hope.  Hope that I am not alone, hope that there is better to be had, hope that I can succeed and hope that even if my worst fears do come true, in the end it really will all be alright.

Since blogging last a lot has happened.  I've started my own photography business.  I've gotten a part time job editing dissertations. I enjoyed the holiday season with my family.  I almost lost my full time job (I didn't).  I was set free from unnecessary guilt. I almost was offered an amazing opportunity and in the last few moments I lost it.

Some things haven't changed at all.  I still have an incredible husband.  I still have a faithful, merciful God. I still have the most wonderful friends and a loving family.

My circumstances haven't really changed, but my heart has.  Where there was a shallow, 2 dimensional, surface level beliefs in basic concepts there is now a deep, abiding, 3 dimensional, raw, real faith that only suffering could etch and pull out.  If you have ever had any really crummy time period in your life, whether it lasts 2 days or 2 years you have the choice to choose how you will let it affect you.

Will you become embittered and hard, or will you allow the experience to shape and mold you into something even lovelier, even warmer, even more empathetic towards man kind? Will you eventually look back and be grateful for that time frame, or will you curse those days over and over.  Forgiveness towards others is an important healing step- but even more so is healing towards yourself.  

As you have been forgiven- forgive others, forgive yourself.  Love others, love yourself, love your past, love your current, love your future. Love your body, love your mind, love your God, love your neighbor with every ounce of your being.  

So here I am again. Back on this journey.  I guess I was never really off path in the first place! :)



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