Why what seems like the worst thing is actually the best thing

5 months ago, I left my job at GEICO and started a job with another company. The night I accepted the job offer I had 2 other offers with comparable or higher salaries that I turned down to go to this company. Why? Because in my heart of hearts I knew that I was supposed to. My husband confirmed it, my heart confirmed it- so I did it. I took a recruiting job in an industry I knew little about on a leap of faith. A few weeks in, I knew I was in way over my head. I didn't understand the terminology, the industry or what my role in all of it really was. I felt sad, frustrated and confused...why had the Lord lead me here when I was putting in 100% effort and literally failing completely?

But I pressed on. 'It will get better,' I told myself. 'Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get your head out of the clouds!' So on I worked. With up to an hour commute each way, I worked from 8am to 6pm, usually through lunch, then drove home another hour. I was exhausted. But I was doing my best and giving 100% and then some. I started to feel a stirring in my heart- the job didn't sit quite right with me and everything I loved (photography, cooking, spending time with my husband/friends/family, etc) was being shoved into a corner. 'I'm no quitter!' I told myself. 'March on!' So I shoved the nagging feeling that the Lord had something different in mind and kept pushing on.

Then I lost my job...and I felt so relieved. So grateful. So fully of joy....and ready for what the Lord had next for me.

...and I'm still waiting. I'm working until February 15th and then after that have no plans to find another corporate position. After a lot of seeking and praying and asking those close to me to pray and seek God's will with me, I feel really affirmed that this is to be a season where I'm at home. Of course I will not be lying around eating bon bons and watching soaps all day. :) I'm going to be focusing on my photography, continuing my novel (2 chapters down, 50 to go!), blogging and working on getting items together for a craft booth in Canton. I really believe that God has made me uniquely different in the sense that my mind works completely differently then most people and He's given me a gift of creativity that would be a literal sin to waste. He has made me want to decorate and explore and create- and I am SO GRATEFUL.

I've always lamented that I have "frou frou" gifts that aren't practical and aren't useful. It couldn't be further from the truth! God Himself is the Grand Creator- if you don't believe me take a look around you! Look at colors and rainbows and oceans and stars and babies! God delights in creating beauty, and gave me the same heart for it. So where it will take me, I don't know...but I hope to look back in 6 months and be able to giggle at it all...to say so THIS is why the thing that felt like the worst thing is actually the best thing. He always gives exceedingly abundantly more then we can ask or imagine...so I am excited to see what He has for me. :)

So get ready....some cool things are about to happen for me. Hey God! :)

Top Ten

A Coworker of mine told me a great story about his life once. He told me he went to a self-help workshop years ago, and they had a seemingly simple exercise that really changed his life. They had him list out the 10 things he wanted most in life. He filled the list with things like becoming a husband, raising a family, enjoying his free time, traveling the world, etc. Then they had him write a list of the 10 things he actually spent his time doing. He realized what he spent his time doing was not at all contributing to what he wanted to do. He was spending his time buried in legal briefs, working late, not dating seriously, too swamped and busy to even think about traveling, etc. It was this “simple” exercise that changed his life. He quit his high paying legal career in order to take an average paying insurance job that allowed him to have free time and “sanity”.

He began enjoying the little things in life, volunteering and really spending time cultivating things that would help him attract and keep a wife and family together. He cooked, he cleaned, he even decorated- he took the time to have fine wine and enjoy good cooked meals with loved ones. My coworker began to save and plan a trip to Europe, something he had never had the chance to do (for leisure) and took off by himself for an amazing 3 week trip, cumulating in Italy. There, in the middle of Italy, on a tour bus, he met a woman traveling by herself from Russia, on a similar quest to see Europe. He was never able to get that woman out of his mind, and a few months later they were married as she came to join him in the United Sates as his wife. They bought a home, and year later they had the most incredible little girl (who I totally adore). Now the happy family of 3 travels and loves like few others I know.

Today my coworker has an attitude most would envy. He is not easily stressed or reaching for bigger, better things. He iscontent. What would it be like, to, as he says “be living my dream”? Can any of us really say we are there?

Here are the 10 things I want most out of life:

1.To glorify and honor God with every ounce of my being.
2.To be an amazing wife to my incredible husband.
3.To have a large family, and for our families all to be close and full of life, laughter and love.
4.To develop incredibly deep friendships that sustain us through our entire life.
5.To be healthy, in mind and body.
6.To own some land of my own someday with a house that is almost all our own design.
7.To travel and see the world.
8.To be a photographer- to take pictures of ordinary things and make them completely beautiful.
9.To write, to pour out my heart and soul in the art medium of words.
10.To give to the people in the world who need it most, to help others receive simple things we take for granted daily, like clean water and unspoiled food.
Here are the things I actually spend my time doing:

1.Working at my job- something I’m good at and mostly enjoy, but not something that’s in a field listed above.
2.Spending time on social media sites, like Facebook.
3.Spending time with Scott
4.Texting
5.Spending
6.Reading other people’s blogs
7.Shopping- buying things I really don’t need.
8.Spending time with friends and family
9.Exercising
10.Church related things- church, small group, personal quiet time, etc.

As we can all see- room for improvement! A lot! I have more thoughts on this that I’ll be sharing later, but this is definitely an exercise worth doing and mediating on- who knows, like my friend, it could change your life!

What are the 10 things you want most out of life? And what are the 10 things you spend most of your life actually doing? Do they line up?

Hello!

I've always considered myself a writer.

From wanting to recreate stories for my classmates in kindergarten to creating SATC Carrie-esque type columns in college- words have always been near and dear to my heart. I majored in Journalism, graduated with big ambitions to document the world, and have done so through various mediums- photography, interviewing and studying people from all backgrounds. I have failed, however, to return to my first love- to journaling, writing, and keeping a detailed record of my life.

I want one day to be able to share this with my friends, with my children- to look back and say "look- look how far I've come!" There is so much that I want to achieve in my life- I want to continue on this healthy lifestyle and my quest for radiance- physically, spiritually and mentally.

I have dealt with negative self image for too long. Am I perfect? No. Am I loved, cherished and treasured? Yes. It's time I learned to embrace myself, flaws and all! I have been in the lows nutritionally- both by binging and overeating, to starvation. I have seen the effects mentally, physically, emotionally...not pretty. I am here on a quest to love- love myself, my husband, my family, my friends and the beautiful world around me. For the first time in my life- I feel passion- passion for good, solid nutritional foods, passion for running and biking, for photography and for those around me. It feels amazing.

Thank you for reading. I look forward to sharing my journey with you. :) Watch me Run To Radiance!